It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged and I have something exciting to share that will hopefully help those of you with similar interests/concerns. My close friends know that I have struggled for about 8 years with what I guess you would call an eating disorder. I have never actually thought of myself in that light but facts are facts. I think where it all began was with an ex b/f who told me I was gaining weight and needed to hit the gym. He eventually broke up with me, leaving me angry with him and myself. So there I found myself talking to my sister-n-law about the Zone diet. This diet is great if you stick with it and follow it as it tells you to!
It all started out great and healthy until I started counting the calories that I was putting in my body. If I had an upcoming event that I was looking forward to, I would calorie restrict so much that I could lose the weight within weeks. That’s just what I did when I became single again. I lost 20 lbs, going from 170-150 within a couple months and felt better than ever at the time. I’m 5’10” so you can put it into perspective. Over the years I have kept my weight at 150 give or take a few pounds. I’ve just recently realized that over the last 10 years that I was working at the bar, I was replacing meals with alcohol and that’s how I was keeping the weight off. Now, I wouldn’t consider myself an alcoholic by any means, but this is just how it works in the business. Everyone’s drinking and partying til the wee hours of the morning. That factor, along with the massive dehydration your body sustains when drinking alcohol, allowed me being able to maintain at that weight. I also watched what I ate… fruits, veggies, lean meats…. when I did eat. It got to the point where I would have to restrict calories more and more because restricting wouldn’t produce the same results as it had before. Here’s where I found myself eating 700 cals or less per day… all the way down to 500. The part that made me the most angry? that I was MAINTAINING my weight at that caloric intake and my metabolism is slower than ever!! My friend/trainer has made multiple attempts to help me by making meal and exercise plans to fix this problem. I’ve always told him “YES! I’m starting Monday, or next week, or next month” when this or that is over. Always making excuses. He is frustrated with my empty promises and so am I. The short of it was that I was afraid to initially gain weight following a healthy plan while I was still bartending and having to be half-clothed and around coworkers half my age.
Since I have become a new nurse, stress of a new job and getting acclimated had set in and nutrition had taken a backseat for a few months. Not to mention, the holidays getting in the way. Oh, and I must mention the lovely nurses that I work with who always bring awesome treats to work. 🙂 I have done my best to resist and have succeeded for the most part. Now that things are getting a little easier, I’d like to reverse the damage I’ve done.
As of yesterday, I was eating ~500 cals/day (healthy food) and sometimes eating whatever I wanted every couple weeks or so. My goal is to become the healthiest I’ve ever been in my life, prove to my friend/trainer that I’m not a failure, and to encourage others with this same problem……Starting TODAY. In doing this, I will be posting often so that you can follow my journey while I blog about my thoughts, feelings, meals and exercises for that week. It’s going to be a tough mental battle for me, but now is the time for ZERO excuses!
Any words of encouragement appreciated!! xoxo